The league of extraordinary gentlemen
Me: …you can add that to the many things we never got as a child…you know like adequate nutrition, support, love
Group: laughs
N: What ya talking about my dad used to tell me he loved me all the time…right after he beat me
Group: laughs
N: “you know I’m just doing it because I love you right?”
Group: laughs
S: Shit at least you got that! All I got was a ’stop crying you know what you did
Group: laughs
Me: to the driver Hey let’s stop at In-and-Out for dinner. I miss it. You know people in Chicago have the audacity to say that Five Guys is better then In-and-Out.
D: Have you been to Five Guys
Me: No!
Group: laughs
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So I haven’t written anything in a long long long time and to be frank the last few things I have written sucked. And sticking with this honesty I can come up with a couple of reasons why
- Time and energy- you know you have these ideas in your head and they may be wonderful and perplex and enlightening in every single way. A testament to human creativity and ingenuity. But the real work lies in getting these ideas as perfect as they are in your head down on a piece of paper or in this case a laptop. Writing it how you feel it. Finding the write words to capture the flow and elegance of a simple thought but also resisting the urge to distract from it clarity and purity. And I don’t know if you notice this but I have a thing called med school I have to take care of. Writing is not right unless you have time to develop it otherwise it is worthless.
- Motivation and inspiration- let’s just face it I do my best work when I am somewhat miserable. That is when I most reflect over life. That is when I appreciate humor the most. Writing has always been my way of relieving stress, and as hard as it may be to believe I am somewhat happen with what has been going on in my life lately.
- Final and the REAL REASON why I am writing this …. I am Scared … there is a manner of conduct expected of me of not just being a future doctor but of an officer. So where in the back of my mind I constantly have to remind myself to not F* it up… that it is far to easy for one to make one mistake and have everything I work so hard for slip away…I am scared of what people might think of me. I am in all honesty an emotional and neurotic person. I live my life not by a series of logical progressions but of burst of emotional, excitement, anger, joy and pain (life is a serious of sounds and furies told by an idiot). I am scared that in my brief moments of insanity I am judged not how I am as a person but how I am at that moment.
It didn’t always be this way. I used to not give a sh* about what people thought. But I got to admit that traveling to a new place attending a new school and meeting new people have got me off bearing. Look I never grew up around doctors, I never grew up around officers (enlistment men/women but not officers). I grew up in an entirely different world for from what may be described by the average person as normal (more on this later)… Read more…
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Empathy and the Aging Game
A lot of people felt that the Aging Game would be more affective in teaching us about empathy if more people could have participated. The idea being that more people would have “felt” what it is like to be elderly, and therefore be more empathetic to their needs. I disagree in that empathy should not be defined as “knowing” what it is like to be a patient, but rather the acceptance of not knowing what it is like to be a patient. Most of us don’t know what it is like to have our body give out on us. We don’t know what it is feels like to lose autonomy, to not be able to do things that we once took for granted, that we once prided ourselves in doing. We don’t know what it is like to watch the most important people in our lives pass away, and to see the ones that are left disconnected from us. We don’t know what it is like to have everything we view as aesthetically beautifully slowly fade away into a blurred darkness, or to no longer hear the melodies that defined our lives. Even if we were all assigned to put on those glasses and earplugs for a week, it wouldn’t be the same because we know that we would get our sight and hearing back. We don’t have that same psychological effect as someone actually living through it. Read more…
admin Philosophy aging, doctors, medical school, MEDICINE
So I was writing the previous post and my reflections at the same time because I am schizophrenic…anyway I awe the 4 people that actually read my blog… so I decided to post my class reflections at the same time…please correct grammar mistakes if you see any…
Tuesday my group and I had a group discussion for extra credit. I forgot what I said but I said something that got compliments from other members of my group. And I just remember how wonderful it made me feel to contribute something meaningful and appreciated to the group. Lost in the discussion of a person’s obligation to his group, family or community is the fact that doing something for others feels good. Lost in the talk about obligations I have to my group, family and community is the obligation I have to myself. I have an obligation to myself to put out the best representation of myself that I can. I care about how people see me, and I care about what type of person I am. A large part of who you are as a person is not what you think of yourself but what you do for the people around you. I know what I am a person that is: someone who values his friends and family, someone who makes sure that everyone around him is having a good time, and someone who takes pride in what he does. It is not so important to me that I do everything extraordinary, but that everything I put out shows that I put pride into it.
But if I am really honest with myself, which is sometimes the hardest thing to do, in answering what I could do better to become the person I want to be I would have to say everything. I don’t contribute enough to my group as I should. At times I rely on them to heavily to carry me, and at other times I am too unreceptive to their ideas and opinions. At times I can be a little difficult and a little bit immature. I don’t communicate as well as I should and that goes with both articulating my feelings and listening to others.
I could be a better friend, son, uncle, and brother. I should call home more. Something so simple as an “I love you,” can carry so much weight, but I let it slip to the back of my mind. It is funny that the people most important in my life are the ones that I often forget.
I could serve my community better. Midwestern gives me so many opportunities to serve and I just let them slip. All these things I want to improve on not only because they deserve better, but I deserve better.
hard to pick a song…
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My friends getting married in 24 days, so I figure I’ll just put down some o f my thoughts on the subject.
I don’t know much about my father when he was my age. From what I hear from other people’s accounts he was quiet the charming, and always the center of attention. They tell me he had a huge heart, was willing to go out of his way for a friend and treated everyone like they were family. I don’t know how much of these things were true, or how much I just want them to be true. Don’t know how he met my mother, or what there relationship was like before having my sisters and me. But I could imagine… Read more…
admin Love and Relationships, Sexy People, There's Only One jack johnson, love, marriage
Dreams
Awhile back… so far back that I forgot the actual time frame…but not so far fact that I can remove the memory from my mind…I spent the weekend at my aunt….it was one of those brief periods when we weren’t arguing….she was so happy to have the chance to spend time with me…
One night…I slept on the couch … while she slept had made herself a make shift bed with blankets and pillows on the floor next to me…I awaken to see her tossing and turning… sweating…shouting fearful moans…it hurt me to see her like that…I had to wake her up to tell her that everything was okay…if not for her then for me…although I didn’t know what she was dreaming about…I could image…for she went through the same thing that I went through…and a lot more…
See those are the things about memories…time can pass…and things can heal…until they no longer keep you up at night…but they will never go away to the point where they can’t haunt your dreams…..
“he said I write what I see…write to make it right …. don’t like where I be”
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John Legend is cool…he is very cool. In fact he is probably cooler than you. I know he is cooler than me. To prove it I often listen to his music and try to incorporate his words while trying to pick up girls…EPIC FAIL…enjoy
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admin Funny, Sexy People Funny, john legend, lyrics
So a couple of years back me and a whole bunch of my friends were celebrating my birthday at my favorite bar. And I was looking good and feeling fresh and having a good time so I decided to sit down at a table with this beautiful girl and her friends… I was going at her and I mean I was going at her hard…when my friend gets mad because I was spending more time with them then the group…and yells so that everyone at the table can here…”hey what are you doing with those bitches…get back over here…”
To which the whole tablet gets mad at starts yelling at him…in turn they yelled at me…at that point I was not happy…but looking back at it I cannot help but laugh…now I don’t condone derogatory language…but what can you say about the guy…that anecdote fit him to a T… he is unequivocally and irrevocably himself at all times… everything he does he does so unapologetically with absolutely no doubt what-so-ever… and that is why I love the guy…and that is why I can not help but admire him… Read more…
admin Love and Relationships, Philosophy, Sexy People, There's Only One friendship, love, marines, marriage
So today’s homily for mass was based on a well known gospel… the one where a crowd drags a woman caught in adultery to Jesus…and persistently asks him what he should do…in which he replies… “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” causing everyone to leave…and then he says to the lady that since no one is here to condemn you neither would I… Read more…
admin Philosophy, Religion condemn, God, Jesus
people always said that you were too reckless…that your refusal to ask for help, your constant drinking, your inability to listen did you in…that you were to selfish…
but I know the truth my friend…what did you in… was not that you cared to little…but that you cared too much…that you tried too hard…that you loved… too much…
oh, I know the truth my friend…it must of been so hard for you growing up… weight problems…parents keep pressuring you…you feel like you’re never good enough…you see all the other children running around and playing and wonder why they won’t let you be a part of that… thinking to yourself how great it would be if they only knew…if they can only see the real me…but no matter how hard you tried they didn’t…and your heart couldn’t take it… Read more…
admin Love and Relationships, Philosophy, There's Only One
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