Part II of the Doctor series:
To quote a great U2 song:
“you love this town even if that doesn’t ring true…you been all over…and its been all over you”
Look I love Orange County…I love Southern California in general… it has a style that cannot be match by any other place on earth…I still think that give me $150 a free saturday and just one willing participant and I am better than any guy on anyday anywhere in the world…. but to be a good doctor I must leave…
I just wrote a blog stating that in order to be a good doctor you must not only be kind and caring you must have empathy…but before all that you must know your shit…why because you have too…because they need you too be…
Before you give completely of yourself…you must first take time and think completely of yourself… that is you must take time to give yourself what you need to make sure your healthy and happy enough to focus on what lies ahead in medicine. You need to be in an environment where you can think of nothing else but yourself and your studies. You need to be where there are no distractions, but yet a place where you can relax if need be. Because at the end of the day you need to know your shit… you need to have that confidence in yourself that you can not just be a doctor but be a damn good doctor…that confidence that comes with being familiar with everything new technique every aspect of your field… you need to have that swagger that says I am the baddest man on the planet…because you have to have it… and you need to go to a place that gives you that…
As stated above I love Southern California…from San Diego…to the beach…to the mountains…to the cultural whole in the wall restaurants of Westminster, Santa Ana and Garden Grove…to the upscale high end joints of South County….I been all over…but lets face it…it has also been all over me… and you can see it. In the past year I got into two car accidents… lost one best friend… lost another one when he got shipped to Japan for two years… and had more run in with police officers than I ever wanted…and that wouldn’t make my 5 of bad years…
There are too many bad memories here…too many things to think about…family…friends…too many things that presses on my mind. Just as important there are many good things to do here…being blessed with the resources of Southern Cali, a car, a youth it is easy to get distracted here…too easy to get in trouble…and it is just as easy to do nothing…to waste away doing knowing…to get to comfortable with perfect weather all the time… and stay home every day…it is very much like the land of the lotus eaters… you can spend your whole life here perfectly content but not accomplish anything…
people often tell me that i have so much potential…i don’t know what that means…and once you hit 25 it becomes less potential and more failure…but i do know that i subconsciously sabotage myself a lot… that i under perform in everything i do…half of it is due to a fear of failure…half of it due to a romanticized idea of the value of making life more difficult for myself…part of it is just plain bad luck…but i have…
Pavlov’s dogs showed us that individuals once conditioned to a certain stimuli, will subconsciously repeat actions when in the presence of that stimuli…
why Chicago? exactly for what I just said…because it is not Southern California…when I went to Vietnam for a month I was surprised to just see how at peace I was… to be far away out of your comfort zone but still be free…
Chicago is beautiful…in its architecture…in its suburbs… in its natural resources…in its culture…it would be nice to see the all the colors of the changing seasons and I just don’t mean that in a literal sense…
so I apologize to the 3 people that might want me to stay…but I look around and see others moving on with their life…and now so must I
cue the music
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